"i've never felt so intensely attacked and upset and downright disrespected by a game" - @schizothymous

A simple text-based adventure exploring the age-old question: What would you do if you had more money than any single human being should ever have?

Be sure to expand the side column using the arrow in the upper left to view your current funds.

If you're having trouble getting the above embed to run on your device, you can also play the game on Philome.la!


PRAISE(?) FOR YOU ARE JEFF BEZOS

"Puts the wealth of the world's richest into dizzying perspective." -Vice Motherboard

"The options are stark reminders of public good we forsake in refusing to redistribute wealth." -Newsweek

"Takes the gifts of games, and applies them to political education." -Paste

"Your recent submission [...] failed during our review process due to a content policy violation." -Amazon Appstore

"This seems highly actionable." -NPR

StatusReleased
PlatformsHTML5
Rating
(175)
AuthorKris Ligman
GenreRole Playing, Simulation
Made withTwine
TagsComedy, Horror, Twine
Average sessionA few minutes

Development log

Comments

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Back in my day they actually put effort into propaganda.

(+1)

ping me if you ever make "You Are (In A Closet With) Jeff Bezos (And You Are Armed)"

(+1)(-12)

wow

What a terrible game.

It took massive run arounds to get to screens that i had ANYTHING I would spend money on.  Which wasnt even close to enough money to clear the game.

While the game does acknowledge that Jeff Bezos doesnt actually have access to that much money at one time, it's worth calculated by owned investments, it doesnt do so unless you avoid spending the money at all costs.

(+3)(-3)

what if instead of jeff bezos it was jess lesbos and she spent all her money eating pussy and putting fluoride in the water to make what few surviving frogs we have gay? food for thought

(+1)(-5)

that sounds equally dumb

Why trade one brand of stupidity for another?

(+4)(-1)

what if instead of stupidity it was cupidity and it was jess lesbos ruthlessly acquiring obscene sums of money so she could pay off all her debts to cam girls?

(+2)(-1)

This is wonderfully written + it displays in a few minutes how much capitalism sucks.

(+1)(-2)

At least it's not as bad as socialism or communism

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Dude it's been months

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Are the secret endings working? I've done everything I can think of and can't get anything outside of the base 3.

Try to get your money to zero before reaching the coffee shop! That's the only hint I can give, sorry. Good luck!

Still can't seem to figure it out. I get to $5,800,000,000 and then anything I spend is small fries in comparison.

Do I have to make money first and then lose it?

You do not need to earn money to unlock the secret endings.

Ah, okay, I figured it out. Took a while of understanding how to finagle the system to let me delete Twitter. =)

Ooh, congrats!!

(1 edit) (+1)

I've played this so many times that I think I've discovered another way to break the game! When the police catch you  at the sewer, if you have under one million in wealth the game still gives you the option to spend one million to bribe the cops to set the barista free. This leads to you ending up with negative wealth and lots of amusing text when the cops set your bail at - 935,000 or something close to that. Will there be an update which adds another option to address this?

Thanks for letting me know! I'll patch this in the next update.

(+3)(-1)

This game was fucking awesome. Absolutely loved it. Pleeeeaase make an Elon Musk sequel!

(+2)

I really enjoyed this game, it puts a lot of points that I often try to make about wealth into perspective -- like just how much the world could be improved if the upper class did literally anything. It's delivered in a kind of offhand style that keeps it just lighthearted enough to (hopefully) help educate players on how the current economic system is flawed. I feel kinda silly writing a serious review for a twine game about Jeff Bezos but. such is life.

Hey ! Once I get into Elon Musk's car and talk to him during 9 minutes, shouldn't I get back at least 500.000$ ? Actually, I should have had this additional money every 9 minutes I spent in  Jeff Bezos' life !

What did I just play

Lazy political propaganda

i dont get it

(+1)

Sequel please? if you aren't too busy spending all the money!

(+8)(-2)

Hello Jeff Bezos, i am french, i eon't know if you will this message but i Hope. I have idea for the wildlife, buy a hectares in all the earth, and make sur that you make them unsuitable, and the hectares stay wild and the animals on this hectares will can continued live ans live porotected. 

(1 edit) (+3)(-58)

"Any leftover funds are put toward dismantling ICE"

Oh yeah, because enforcing legal immigration is so horrible, who needs to make sure people follow the law.

Honestly this game is just someone making fun of the right wing and disguising it as a "game"

(+32)(-1)

I'm sorry, was it not politically correct enough for you

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Yeah, how could they say something so politically incorrect, don't they know it's illegal to speak their opinions

(+12)

Yawn

(+1)(-4)

yeah, dont you know it's only illegal to espouse your opinion if you ARE  a conservative that believes in things like individual rights and freedoms.


Violence and hate are fine as long as you hate the right groups of people am I right! Go antifa! Let's start another wandering mob and burn down some peoples businesses and beat random people to death in the street!!!

(+16)

Sir, how could you denigrate ICE, the make-work organization for dudes whose necks were too thick to fit into a police officer's uniform?

(-14)

Wow actually never heard of the word denigrate till now. Still not sure what on earth this post means

(+5)(-1)

r u dumb

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No I'm just not sure what you're talking about in the previous post

(+1)

That was not me who called you dumb, I'm the original guy you were replying to.

I was suggesting that ICE is an organization that exists to provide jobs for angry large dudes who couldn't manage to become police officers.

(+4)(-4)

How is it that most people immigrate illegally per logistics, and what is their crime rate compared to citizens, and what do they asymmetrically contribute to taxes?

Are you aware the differences between the DHS and ICE, their separate founding dates and impacts? Also, do you think stealing children and deporting their parents is ethical or humane?

I'm not attacking, I'm asking questions to foster intellectual honesty, so please answer as such.

(-19)

Actually, Trump has been the one trying to fix that (children being separated), but nobody wants to admit that he's doing something good even by their standards. Also, ICE is a part of DHS, so I'm not sure what you're really trying to get at

Not really sure what you're saying in the first sentence either, but technically all illegal immigrants commit crimes, so their crime rate is 100%, if that's what you're talking about.

(2 edits) (+14)

You suck at facts

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-says-he-is-considering-a-new-famil...

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/03/30/upshot/crime-immigration-myth.htm...

I know, I know, "The liberal media!!!!!!" Cuz why think when you can shout nonsense

(-14)

Ok first of all, I'm not wrong about criminal illegal immigrants. They're criminals because they ILLEGALLY entered the country. Meaning they broke the law. Making them criminals. Also, you directed me to a post about immigrants in general.

(+8)

Wow what a take, "this class of people are illegal because we've arbitrarily decided to make it that way even though up until the 90's it wasn't actually a crime."

If we don't factor in that semantic bullshit, immigrants are far less likely to commit crimes (because, y'know, they have a lot more to lose for even minor offenses no one cares about). If they weren't being persecuted, they might do things like join unions and demand higher wages. The persecution of immigrants is kind of why pay sucks for some jobs, because businesses can exploit those workers and threaten to turn them in if they complain.

It's almost as if companies who are paying undocumented immigrants below minimum wage are manufacturing a situation to make the lives of their workers hell so that they can keep their wages low. It's almost as though your own life, personally, would be improved if we didn't spend an absurd amount of resources putting migrants into labor camps and instead reformed our immigration policy so that these people could legally exist in the US and have a path to citizenship.

Of course, you better not have smoked any fucking pot or broken any laws yourself if you're going to be calling people criminals for trying to work for a living.

(-11)

And for the other article, I guess I was wrong, that's it. I heard somewhere Trump was fixing that problem (which I think Obama put into place, again, not sure since I don't keep up with politics enough) But I do think Trumps right that illegal immigrant families can use children to sort of cheat the system. I think there was another way to do that but I forget. Personally I just think we should send the whole family back where they came from, with this new law in place it'll be the immigrant's fault for crossing illegally. They knew the risks and decided to take them

(+6)

Dear Plasma45.

Without any undue hostility, I would encourage you to look up the facts, all of them, from both favorable and hostile sources, and then make up your own, enlightened opinion.

(+1)

nothing gets past you, huh

(-4)

um, thanks?

(-1)

It's just lazy political propaganda, communist and many leftist in general view art as an ideological weapon.  To them it's only use is to convey ideas while disgracing their opposition. It's the same reason they love ruining peoples career over a joke. What's ironic is thinking like that makes it impossible to make art. We have a name for "Art" that serves no purpose but to push an ideology that's just called propaganda.

(+7)

How much money has Jeff Bezos earned while I sat playing this game?

(+2)

The Citizen Kane of videogames. Better yet, the Mario Kart 64 of cinematographic arts

(+5)

true ending first run.

i.. am speechless..

:)

(1 edit)

Another game, a bit more theoretical, but with graphics:

https://colestia.itch.io/postcapitalism

(+3)

Good game, reminder to rise up comrades 

I am also fond of starving to death fellow conrad

(+2)(-13)

(+23)

It's true, having five money is four evil

(-1)

this guy knows what's up

(+8)

this is accurate actually 

(+1)

Elon Musk doesn't even fit this graph,  that's what makes him special :) 

(1 edit) (+1)

I love this! Here's an excellent companion piece courtesy of the Onion: https://www.theonion.com/you-are-all-inside-amazon-s-second-headquarters-jeff-18...

(+4)

This is super super excellent, I put $10 towards you amassing a fortune as enormous as Jeff Bezos's, however I would also like to reserve the rights to make a videogame where people have to spend all your money

(+1)

DEAL

(+9)

This is a truly amazing, inspring project. I don't think I've ever felt closer to being able to comprehend the impossible amounts of wealth of these monstorous people.
A new favourite game of mine.

(1 edit) (+3)

GOTY 2018!

(+9)(-1)

Where's the start a socialist revolution option?

(+6)(-36)

Being rich isn't bad.

(+22)(-3)

yes it is

(1 edit) (+2)(-7)

Why

(+19)(-1)

it is almost not possible to become rich through ethical means and hoarding wealth instead of using it to help people who need it is morally indefensible 

(1 edit) (+1)(-15)

Morality is subjective, no?

(+18)(-1)

hey, congrats on taking a philosophy 101 class! consider this: the subjective nature of morality does not make moral judgments invalid

(+2)(-7)

A nobel peace prize is worth 1.5 million dollars. Though I'm sure they had to do some shady stuff to get it, am I right fellow socialists!

(+10)(-1)

if you’ll reread my reply you will notice the inclusion of the word ‘almost’. instead of making inane, tedious nitpicks in a feeble attempt to score points for your team, try to actually engage with ideas openly and understand what people are trying to say

(1 edit) (-5)

This guy knows whats up

(+9)(-1)

People often defend the rich because they want to believe they themselves will be rich someday. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but,

better than all of my twines rolled into one :D

(+8)(-1)

Absolutly amazing. Make this into an app and make it free on the Amazon App store.


And continue the story! Let's make billionaires extinct!

(+4)

This is such a good idea omg

it's an addictive game!

(+5)(-44)

the options for what to spend money on are big gay, it would be a lot cooler if you could buy some kind of gun and / or an island and also a boat now that would be a good game

(+21)(-2)

You may have missed the point.

(+2)(-8)

I like the way this guy thinks

(+3)(-2)

Fuck yeah a boat

(+3)(-1)

this is so good

(+1)(-1)

This was beautiful. I love it.

(1 edit) (+3)(-1)

Fantastic. Play this right now.

(+1)

I love this. I got the neutral ending with Elon.

(+4)

I got the true ending. I am Elon.

I got the bad ending.

(+3)

AMAZING

(+9)

my only and largest criticism with this game is that i cannot buy the assassins out so that they will also kill me, jeff bezos, at the end of the game, ending my, jeff bezos', reign of terror

(+2)

this is such a good game!! fun, clever,  and super satisfying...wish it was more than just a fantasy lmao!!